Fraud

  If you tell me My life would be this way I  wouldn’t believe you Though   sometimes called a ruler I do not measure up To my dreams of being queen and my So- called overly ambitious missions My dreams never quite made it into fruition   No matter how proud of me they say I say nay and I am a nay say-er   Finally realized I’m my own hater But I heard haters are confused admirers Too confused to admire my own accomplishments Not sure if I should like myself Wondering why people even like me   My internal world is tough Never enough Gotta go, get, buy and borrow new stuff Just to feel like I have everything   Someone told me I made it Little do they know  I stand here feeling like I faked it   Wasn’t true Wasn’t reading away to maintain a honors GPA Wasn’t there chasing child abusers and drug users in the pj ‘s My internal world remembers me in my p j’s Lazy days Days when I was popping bottles and rounds For birthdays I remember cheating thoughts Scheming thoughts   Thinking somehow I charmed my way to get my 1st degree And im B.S. ing my way to masters Im masterful at fraud   I’m conflicted and at odds Convinced myself I didn’t do what I did when I did it Convinced myself I didn’t do what I did when I did it  But I did it I embrace that  I have a fraudulent existence Deny my Greatness Ignore my perseverance Minimize  because I’m not satisfied   With believing I’m enough

Summer Love letter

 Dear Summer,       I’ve seen many of you  Yet somehow each one brings me something different I miss you when you are gone Anticipate your arrival heavily   I, long for you cold winter nights Reminisce about you in the fall No other season or reason matters at all Sometimes I swear I see you in spring But I know it’s only my hopes manifesting Spring is so close to you Sometimes I think I’m in love with spring too   But I know- its you I clear my plans in advance So I can spend extra time with you Bask in your extra sunshine Bask in how you take over my mind Bask in the fact that summer is so damn fine   Less clothes mores shows When it’s me and summer – anything goes Summer isn’t perfect But no season is It brings me insecurities that other seasons fail to see Out of all seasons summer sees the most And brings out all of me So I worry and wonder and swim in maybes   Worry what summer has in store for me I wonder how summer will see me in my two piece   Worry Ill forget what I was doing before summer came Worry if summer will feel the same  Maybe Ill Forget my plans and my future Because I had too good of a time, this time – with you So scared you’ll come and it’ll be too late Worried you’ll leave me too soon So I don’t want to get too close to you Loving summer is so tumultuously beautiful   Maybe I won’t be able to take your intensity Because though I’m built for you You make my body too hot My skin peels Bows down to you Because every layer of my skin wants to feel and be close to you Summer I love you Even though we have a few short months annually I sit here sweating summer waiting for summer to sweat me.