Fraud

  If you tell me My life would be this way I  wouldn’t believe you Though   sometimes called a ruler I do not measure up To my dreams of being queen and my So- called overly ambitious missions My dreams never quite made it into fruition   No matter how proud of me they say I say nay and I am a nay say-er   Finally realized I’m my own hater But I heard haters are confused admirers Too confused to admire my own accomplishments Not sure if I should like myself Wondering why people even like me   My internal world is tough Never enough Gotta go, get, buy and borrow new stuff Just to feel like I have everything   Someone told me I made it Little do they know  I stand here feeling like I faked it   Wasn’t true Wasn’t reading away to maintain a honors GPA Wasn’t there chasing child abusers and drug users in the pj ‘s My internal world remembers me in my p j’s Lazy days Days when I was popping bottles and rounds For birthdays I remember cheating thoughts Scheming thoughts   Thinking somehow I charmed my way to get my 1st degree And im B.S. ing my way to masters Im masterful at fraud   I’m conflicted and at odds Convinced myself I didn’t do what I did when I did it Convinced myself I didn’t do what I did when I did it  But I did it I embrace that  I have a fraudulent existence Deny my Greatness Ignore my perseverance Minimize  because I’m not satisfied   With believing I’m enough